Potty Training: The Prologue

THE SITUATION: Tomorrow, Turtle is going to be 22 months old. He is growing at an alarming rate (translation = he'll be too big for normal diapers soon). His "interest" in Potty-Related Happenings is limited to declaring "POOP!" when I walk in his room to get him from nap (as if the smell wasn't a clue, buddy), and shoving his way into the bathroom with me and asking to wash his hands.

(Interesting side note: he seems deathly afraid of the flush noise in public restrooms, which he deals with my promptly affixing himself to my leg).

THE PLAN: Introduce a Potty Chair. The thought process is that if we just have it around, he will get used to it and not be so intimidated when the time comes. We

THE SUPPLIES:

#1. The Fisher Price Cheer for Me! Potty.
It sings. It's bilingual. It has a shiny silver handle and a pull-out rod to hold a roll of toilet paper. Yes. I folded the TP in a point. I judge myself for that, thank you very much. The only thing this bad boy doesn't do is get rid of the excrement for you. Bummer.



#2. The "Potty Cookie"
If you are friends with me on FaceBook (and you should be), you would have seen "Potty Cookie" on my list of things to buy today.

You know you want to ask.

It came up in a hurried phone conversation with my mother this morning. I mentioned our intentions for the Great Potty Chair Introduction of 2010, and she was all enthused.

Mom: Now get the one that sits on its own. Not the one that goes on the actual toilet seat.
Me: Ok.
Mom: Oh, and don't forget the "potty cookie."
Me: Ok. Wait. What the hell is a "potty cookie"????
Mom: You know. It goes in the bowl. It's a duck. Or a boat. And they can pee on it.
Me: Oooohh! Ok. A lot of people say you can just use cheerios or froot loops.
Mom: But, honey. What if he decides he wants to *eat* them?

You got me there, Mom. I never, in a million years, would have thought that urine-dappled cereal oh's might be tempting. But now that you mention it, I can see where you're coming from.

So, "potty cookies" are probably a thing of the past (I confess. I couldn't bring myself to ask.), but they had these wonderful Piddlers, right there next to the potty chairs. Dubbed as "toilet targets" and boasting that they are all kinds of safe and biodegradable, I figured they would be just fine.



#3. Reinforcements

Look. I've got MacGyver on my team. And after last night's run around of "So he's going to sit on this?"-"Yes."-"Like sit on the seat?"-"Yes." "So he'll sit?"-"YES!!!" "Well. What if he has to take a leak?"

So, yeah. Reinforcements.




HOW IT'S PLAYING OUT.

While MacGyver and Turtle were enjoying a bite of macaroni & cheese at The Loop, I put Mr. Potty together. I turned my back for approximately 7.3 seconds and turned back to find Bentley toilet papering the house.



He's shameless.



Then we introduced Turtle (and Original Monkey) to his new friend. Notice, no toilet paper.



He found some "reading material" (the back of the World Trade Center DVD), and kind of chilled for a while.



So that's where we're at. We're not pushing anything for right now. MacGyver spent some time on the phone with my mom tonight, reviewing "Potty Cookies" for the umpteenth time, and getting all manner of tricks and fun stories. Apparently, I got actual money for peeing in the potty, and dragged around a beer bottle bank as tall as myself to collect. (This is a practice I'm seriously considering reinstating, btw).

I'm cautiously optimistic.

But I have an Ace in the Hole.

Mom and Dad will be here from February 28 through March 16.

Who wants to bet that Turtle will be confidently sporting Batman underoos by March 12?

(And also, do they even make underoos anymore? Because if they don't, that's just a shame).