MacGyver on Child-Rearing

MacGyver is a great daddy. I can honestly say that I have very few (if any) complaints about him as a father. He is devoted and completely involved with Turtle. He takes time every single day to spend time with his son, and he enjoys every second of it. It's a ridiculously beautiful thing.

I'm very lucky. We're very lucky.

However, there are times when I do raise an eyebrow in his general direction.

Like the day when Turtle apathetically picked at breakfast, lunch and dinner (even though I tempted him with macaroni and cheese) and I come to find out that maybe, just maybe, it was because MacGyver had managed to stuff him with two macaroons, a chocolate chip cookie and half a cupcake in the less than 60 minutes they were hanging out alone that day.

That totally got "the look."

But it really makes me wonder.

Where does my baby daddy get his parenting ideas?

I firmly believe that one can't be taught how to mother or father from a book. It's just not that easy. That being said, I love researching different ideas, opinions and styles, because I do get lots of great ideas that may not have come to me naturally. There are also things I am not an expert on, and research for more information so that I can make educated and informed decisions on behalf of Turtle and my family.

For the most part, MacGyver seems content to let me take the lead. On the one hand, it's nice, because I'm not faced with opposition for things in which I believe. On the other, it's a lot of pressure to make sure I'm making the "right" decision (and like the SAT's, there's never a right answer, only a best answer).

But there are times when he digs in his heels, and makes a "Grand Parenting Declaration."

"You're going to spoil him if you give him that piece of bagel when he hasn't finished his breakfast."

"He's just mad that he's in bed. If you get him now, he's going to remember that and keep doing it."

"He has to learn X, Y, or Z."

And I think of the copy of Golf's Sacred Journey on his nightstand, and how it would be covered with a year's worth of dust if not for the weekly swipe with the rag it gets from me. And the fact that the last time I saw him crack a book was... never. And how he glazes over when I broach the topic of gentle discipline as opposed to spanking and try to discuss the best ways to give a time out for his age and for what behavior such a thing is appropriate.

That's when it strikes me.

He's getting advice from somewhere.

And I bet it's Rex Ryan.



There are very few people MacGyver really listens to. But he can watch and rewatch every single Rex Ryan press conference with a somewhat disturbing reverence, from start to finish. He rewinds if he misses a word, a gesture, a subtle blink. He absorbs.

This is why I'm convinced that MacGyver is constantly referring to a very top secret tome: "The Rex Ryan Guide to Rearing Children." I bet he heard about it on the Howard Stern show on Sirius, and had to pay with his Visa or Mastercard, $19.99 plus $5.99 shipping, and had to wait 6-8 weeks for delivery (obviously to a different address so it was not intercepted and destroyed. By me.).

Important chapters probably include "Don't Eat Hot Dogs in Someone Else's Playground" and "Toddlers Shouldn't Cry. But Daddies Can."

The crux of his philosophy can be summed up by this: "You’ve heard of KISS philosophy (keep it simple stupid) but we’re going to have a KILL philosophy .. keep it likeable and learnable. We’re going to make mistakes, but we’re going to make them full speed. We’re going to be an attack team..."

Which fully explains why MacGyver reacts first and asks questions later. And a million other seemingly inexplicable things. And which is why, when I find this manual (and don't worry, I will), I'm sending it back to its creator with a little PostIt "love" note.

So moms, if my story sounds at all familiar in regards to your partner, keep an eye out. You especially want to be aware of Lane Kiffin's "Commitment Is Golden, Until You Get A Better Offer" and the Brett Favre/Urban Meyer compilation "All Done! Just Kidding! Maybe!" (please note, the latter provides great insight into your toddler's mindset, so might be worth holding on to)

And as for MacGyver, who is treating himself to his Saturday morning couch-nap, well, he is slowly coming to the realization that Rex is no match for his wife. It's a good thing.