Friday - May 2

This was perhaps the worst day since we got the news.

I woke up, barely able to walk because of the pain. We called the doctor's office and they were horrified that all I was taking was OTC Motrin. They prescribed something with some kick and called it into the pharmacy immediately. Within the hour, I was in tears, and DH brought me to pick it up. My mom advised me to only take 1/2 because of the strength of it, and I didn't want to be too out of it to visit Aiden. I sucked it up as best I culd.

I sent DH and my stepdad to go bet the Kentucky Derby. They both love the horse races and DH needed a break. He had planned to place a bet on Saturday, and I wanted him to get out and get his mind off things. Mom and I went to lunch and to Babies R Us for some last minute things. We then went to the hospital.

That's where Keith and the nurse broke more bad news. Turtle had some jaundice and something called bradycardia, which equates to dips in his heart rate. Some of them were while he was eating, which are easily explained as him taking too much too quickly. However, some of the others were at rest, which was creating an issue. Bottom line: he would have to stay at least through the weekend. For the second time in two days, I went completely numb.

The nurses assured us that he was fine and that it is probably related to his early birth, but it's something that the doctors want to keep an eye on. I held him, and rocked him, and cried. I couldn't even feed him because I couldn't sit down in the chair they provided (it was too low). My mom fed him his bottle, and I changed his diaper. We loved on him as much as we could, and then we had to let him get some more sleep. The nurse told us we could bring some of his gowns and blankets from home to make him more comfortable, so we resolved to pack a bag for him.

That night, I laid by DH and sobbed. I think it's the first time I really broke down since everything happened. I really felt like such a failure, especially because of the pain and not being able to feed him. DH assured me that everything was going to be ok - that he was in the best place with the best care, and we had to be grateful for that and that all the issues were caught before we came home. Of course, he was right, and we got some sleep.