Angry, sad and tired

I don't even know why. I'm really trying to get over it, but I think I've hit my snapping point.

We didn't get to the hospital til 12:30 today. Ugh. Everything seemed to be moving soooo slowly and my patience is officially gone.


Dr. I was there (I really like her - she's been my favorite NICU doctor so far). She ordered an MRI for tonight (another ugh since we can't be with him) and she seems to think my dates were wrong. Turtle is acting more in line with a baby born at 35 or 36 weeks rather than 37. I guess that's possible... I didn't realize I was pregnant til 8 weeks or so, and I didn't have super regular cycles anyway.


She also ordered a physical therapist to come take a look at his tone. That will happen tonight or tomorrow.


We have our CPR training at 9am. After that, we will try to do our monitor training. The insurance company hasn't given a heads up on what monitor company they want to use, so we are planning to do tomorrow at 11am, unless otherise indicated. We will room in at the hopsital tomorrow night, which is when we will administer all Aiden's care with medical supervision and an emergency button if needed.

(Sidenote - they have two rooms for this purpose in the NICU. I got an inappropriate flashback of a scene from the movie Tootsie, when Dustin Hoffman is running through the house holding the diapered baby out in front of him in a panic. I could see DH doing that through the NICU. It amused me).


I'm completely freaking out about the MRI. Dr. I was debating whether or not to do it and I finally said, if it's a question, do it. Why leave us hanging?


Our neighbor had her baby 5 weeks early, and the baby spent 2 weeks in the NICU. She came over tonight while I was walking the dogs to see if I needed anything. What I really need is a dark closet where I can sit and cry for a few hours without anyone seeing. It's so hard trying to act like everything is ok.


I tried to get Keith to go out with some of his friends tonight, but after we got all the news today, he couldn't do it. I really want him to get a break an decompress, but he's not listening to me. It's aggravating, because I need some space right now, and I'm not allowed to drive. :(


Mom and Dad made us a big Italian dinner - homemade sauce with sausage, pasta, garlic bread and wine. I'm back to moving food around on my plate. DH loved it (I don't make red sauce, and so it was a treat for him). However, it was nice to not have to go out again.


Turtle was back to his big appetite (the barium from yesterday had slowed him down a bit) and back to good naps. He's got a little chapped lip (just like me) and a wee bit of diaper rash, but we're treating that so it will go away. He spent some wonderful time with us today... He looks so comfy when I hold him.


Praying that tomorrow brings normal test results.