The Saga of Tuesday, In Which I Almost Lost My Mind

I don't often do this.

You may rightfully accuse me of posting more positive things. I tend not to dwell on temper tantrums and domestic squabbles, and move along to the more amusing portion of our days. Fortunately, I am able to find amusement in just about everything, so most stories are just ... funny.

But yesterday. Oh, yesterday.

Let me set the scene.

MacGyver and I both have had a case of the Creeping Crud (thanks for coining the term, A. It's fantasitically accurate). Not exactly sick, not exactly *not* sick. Just... yucky.

Yesterday, Turtle and I were good. Well enough to go out, not well enough to run marathons. I figured I would get started on a homemade sauce for the even more homemade braciole I wanted to make, do a little workout, and then after lunch and nap, we could maybe browse around Target.

I also wanted to make a King Cake for Fat Tuesday.

Of course, when I consulted the recipe, I realized I was somehow missing half the ingredients. Ok. That was a no.

So I started on the sauce. Fine. Got it all chopped, prepped and in the crockpot, to simmer all day, as per Italian Law. Neat.

Worked out, blogged, emailed.

Turtle woke up from nap a little early, and proceeded to give us the "no" treatment through lunch. He then engaged in putting food in his mouth and then opening his mouth so that it all tumbles down him and on to the floor.

Which was freshly mopped.

He finds it hilarious. I find it not.

At about this time, I was really getting upset. While I know it's nothing personal, considering he's not even 2 and probably has no idea how to really push mommy's buttons (at least that's what I keep telling myself), it was getting to me.

So I excused myself for ten minutes. I laid on the bed. I read a few pages of The Rose of Martinique (fascinating read about Empress Josephine). I cried a few tears.

And then I was good.

So back downstairs I went, refreshed and rejuvenated.

MacGyver told me that he was closing down shop because he was having a hard time talking, so I could leave Turtle with him for a bit while I ran errands.

And then he started coughing and took it all back.

Alrighty then.

So I packed a bag, and headed out the door. My original plan was Publix. But then I got daring.

I wanted to look at immersion blenders.

So I said what the hey? Let's go to Target, too.

Turtle was jovial. He loves the car. We arrive and he breaks into his "Walk! Cart! Walk! Cart!" routine. It's a classic. It means he would like to walk, but damn that cart looks fine, so he would like to ride.

Except this time, it really meant he wanted to walk.

So under the gaze of what seemed to be at least twenty tutting grandmothers, I somehow managed to bribe my child into the cart, where he proceeded to shriek, while stuffing his mouth full of chickadees (bribery fail, anyone?). I was just about to strap him back in his carseat when he settled down and asked for his water, and we were good to go.

And it was a great trip. So great that I treated myself to a new cutting board (since our wooden one has a split in it), new measuring spoons (since mine had a tangle with the garbage disposal) and some pinch bowls (just because). I racked up savings on toilet paper and napkins, got Turtle a hooded towel, a birthday card for my BIL, and a book from the $1 spot. Wham, bam, thank you, ma'am.

I passed on the immersion blender. I couldn't decide between that and a food processer (feel free to discuss).

We circled back to Publix, got the rest of the goods for King Cake, the provolone for the braciole, and home again, home again, jiggity jog.

While Turtle runs off to play, I start to put away the groceries. I opened the refrigerator door and get beaned in the face by the glass butter dish.

Which then plummets to the tile floor.

And shatters.

Everywhere.

So.

I get on my hands and knees with a roll of painter's tape, sticking up each and every splinter of glass I can. Over and over and over again. It was everywhere.

In the meantime, Turtle is yelling for me, and I can't go to him and he can't come to me.

It's also dinnertime, so I manage to cook up some tortellini, while cleaning, and get it in a bowl with a little homemade sauce.

MacGyver attempts to put Turtle in his seat, which results in screaming.

Which results in me very quietly starting to cry. Partly because of the screaming, partly because of all the glass and partly because I realize I need to clean my grout at some point in the immediate future.

Are we having fun yet?

After a few more failed attempts at dinner, MacGyver whisks Turtle upstairs for bath. I take the opportunity to vacuum each and every line of grout in the kitchen. Twice.

Turtle pretended to be ready for bed, but he wasn't. And he put up a huge protest and fuss. Normally, he settles right down, so I figured we could give him a few minutes and see if he could calm himself.

Leaving MacGyver in charge of the bedtime situation, I started back in on the braciole. I mixed up the filling, loving my new cutting board and pinch bowls.

I got out the meat and was ready to start stuffing.

And then I realized that the meat was a color no meat should ever be.

(PS - MacGyver purchased this meat in violation of our meat buying guidelines. Yeah. I told him so.)

And you know what? I cried. I did. Because I spent a lot of time trying to make something that MacGyver loves and it was just not happening. At all.

Some things got said. At one point, MacGyver asked if I wanted some cake, because cake makes everything better. That wasn't the point. But yes, it does.

And so we return to Turtle. Poor Turtle, who was all out of sorts. He had some applesauce. And then we learned something we didn't know before.

The kid loves Wheel of Fortune. He was clapping and shouting out letters and getting all into it. Granted, he kept yelling "W", but whatever. He totally gets it.

And after the bonus round, he went straight to bed.

And Mommy drank a beer.

And Mommy also told Daddy that he was going to eat chunky sauce and he was going to like it because it was supposed to take a spin in the blender, but given the day we were all having, it was probable that the sauce was going to end up on the ceiling in some tragic blender malfunction, so we were just going to remove that part of the equation. Any questions? No? Good.

Fade to black.

So you see, it's not always Operation Smooth Sailing over here. I was not a fan of yesterday. Today is better.

PS. I was trying to share some nostalgia with Turtle and explain to him that back when Mommy was little, people on Wheel of Fortune didn't get the RSTLNE as freebies in the bonus round, in addition to 3 more consonants and one more vowel. MacGyver disagrees and says contestants *always* got RSTLNE as freebies and didn't get to pick anything else. Please feel free to vote.