My observations on children's toys

This weekend really got me to do some thinking on toys and toy safety.

First of all, whoever those poor souls are in charge of actually packaging children's toys... my hat is off to you. What a craptastic way to make a living. I cannot even imagine what it must be like, threading those horrible pieces of plastic-wrapped wire through the bowels of brightly colored playthings, attaching them to cardboard, poking them through plastic plackets, twisting, twisting, twisting into an unrecognizable, unopenable knot, and then sealing the whole thing off with a piece of tape for good measure.

And for what? Theft? Hell, I don't even want to open toys I've bought fair and square. I inevitably break a nail. scratch myself or cut myself on the utility shears trying to liberate our latest Fisher Price addition. It's cruel and unfair. I dread giving things to Turtle for this reason.

But fine. I will deal with the huge hassle of toy security.

Let's move on to Some Assembly Required.

Most of the time, it's not a big deal. A screw here, a bolt there, tighten it up, send them on their way. Right? Right.

However, sometimes, you get a toy that is a little more complicated. A toy that requires 4 adults and a somewhat decent understanding of Mandarin to assemble.

A toy like this.



This is Dunkirk. Apparently, he loves to be brushed. Good for Dunkirk.

Dunkirk came to live with us yesterday. He's delighted. The pugs are not.

He's a very nice pony, by which I mean he does not poop in the house. This is a plus.

The problem with Dunkirk was that he was very difficult to put together. And that got me thinking. This is a toy on which your child dangles several feet above the ground. There are no safety straps or harnesses. There are really large, really taut springs, covered by somewhat flimsy "spring boots." To get Dunkirk securely suspended between these springs took four people, pushing and pulling The directions were awful, poorly illustrated and sans text. I admit we had to wing a lot of it.

If someone put this together wrong, a spring could come loose and junior could go tumbling down! Or get boinged in the face! Or tweak a finger! WTF? Someone could lose an eye! This troubles me.

No point here; just some thoughts. Turtle has taken to Dunkirk. He is proving himself to be a natural horseman already, with his legs tucked up, just like a jockey. I guess he was paying attention to the Derby yesterday.

Happy weekend all!